Substitute Teaching in "Inner City Schools"

Hey! I'm back on my blog, is anybody still there?

Updates:  I live happily in Koreatown, LA, California, USA, World.  I like it here.  I got an awesome girlfriend and even though it's been truly trying, life is pretty good.  I've found work as a substitute teacher, and a tutor.  I want to develop my career in education, and I know that involves reflection.  So let's get back to it.

As a substitute teacher, I'm an outsider in almost every possible way:

I'm white.  99% of the students are not.  However, some of the teachers are.

I'm not from California.  (Sometimes when I tell people I'm from Ohio, they follow up with questions about Idaho, Iowa, or another place.  Living in California has given me as much culture shock as living in Asia or South America did.  But maybe that's because I'm re-acclimating to American life.)

I'm not teaching many English classes, or grades that I'm familiar with.

I'm a country guy (which I never thought of myself as being until I lived here.  Even though I lived in Mexico City for several months, the city life there never manifested itself as such.)

And lastly, most importantly, I'm not their regular teacher.



Being an outsider certainly has benefits, it allows you to see things that people within that system never see.

So, I've got a lot to deal with on a given day.  I'm also tutoring part time and trying to settle into this megalopolopolis.  It's not easy.  It feels like life lessons come several times a day.  Then those really profound, perspective shifting incidents come almost as often.  I heard an interview with Gloria Steinem where she discussed turning points in life, where there is a split between before and after the event.  I've had a lot of those concentrated in 2-3 months time.

What I can definitely report is that I've stepped into a pretty chaotic system, this must be what new presidents feel like.  I mean, every school I've ever worked at exists on this thin line, or crumbling (literally) foundation held together with duct tape.  You wouldn't ever realize that as a student, but that's just the reality when so many teachers are working long days, administrators are exhausted working on the most pressing things, and the culture at large doesn't really see education as a profoundly important ...thing.

A fellow teacher mentioned one of the schools I had real difficulty in was difficult for everyone.  The P.E. teacher said he could barely take roll and it was plunged into chaos.

We have to constantly reexamine our jobs, us in education.



What even is education?

To me it's always been tied to learning, sharing wisdom, finding out answers.  But as I continue to work and teach in these schools it's clear that education is not something that happens in school.

In poor, urban, economically and racially oppressed areas, education is more about connections, conversations, ideas that stem from experience in the community-- not from lessons in classes and books.

It's that simple.  The school system isn't serving students in many of these schools, so they lash out, at one another, at the school building, or at me.  I know part of the problem is just teens being teens, hating things and doing stuff without thinking of the consequences.  But the main problem persists, as I've written about before, school isn't on their side.



I read an article that had to do with intervention that uplifts students by simply asking them what they need, offering resources to their parents, and directly treating any issues of crisis the students may face.  This approach is beautiful, and the results speak for themselves.  The school and everyone involved should be upheld as a beacon of hope.

This is the type of teaching I always hope to do, when students act up it is almost always because of another need- they don't understand, they don't feel comfortable, etc.  You really have to ask them what's up, instead of yelling at them.  But I've been forced to scream a few times, which resulted in no impact whatsoever, the students are totally desensitized to screams.

If I have the mental energy, space, and/or time to engage with an errant student during class, I always ask if they understand the assignment or the topic.  They usually say no.  When they don't get it, they act out.  My girlfriend shared another article I found important.  It leaves you wondering what to do next, and that is exactly how teachers feel on a daily basis.

The idea that students would rather be the bad kid than the dumb kid resonates with my experiences, for sure.  I'm still working to adapt and learn with each student and class as I go.  Taking that extra minute to engage, rather than scold, is so valuable.  And it applies to life in general.  Seeking to understand the people around you always provides more benefit than treating people as problems.

But right now I'm not at work, and I know my attitude may be significantly different after a long shift.  But the more I teach, the more I want to teach.  I still hope to get that degree in Geography so I can teach social studies in college, as I've dreamed about for years.

Does anyone else have experience substitute teaching?

I'll try to keep my blog more updated.  See you next time!

This blog will re-boot and bloom in a new way soon.

Thanks for sticking around.

I have a lot more to share about learning words and teaching words and learning about the world.

Mongolia: Homeland of heroic Genghis Khan and the Greatest Empire in the World in a long weekend

Part 1

Some ashy gray background

I went to Mongolia last October.  Reflecting on it, October seems like a bad time to visit such a northern country, especially considering we only had a long weekend.  And due to wind delays pushing our flight back 12 hours, we basically just had a weekend.

Despite the logistical hangups and lack of a tight plan, the trip was amazing.  There are cheap, daily flights to Ulaanbaatar from Seoul.  The opportunity to visit wasn't going to come by again so easily so I pounced.



The hostel had the option to stay in gers, we opted for indoors since we arrived at 2 a.m.  Oasis Hostel gets my recommendation.



 

The decision to visit came as the result of using skyscanner.com and looking for cheap flights out of Korea.  I recommend the website if you don't have a planned destination because it lets you search for the cheapest flights from your location to anywhere.  Mongolia looked good by comparison.  I booked the flight and the hostel.

 

Just in time for arriving, I finished reading Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World by Jack Weatherford.  The biography (by one of my favorite non-fiction authors) really illustrates how revolutionary Khan was.  By the end of the book, I understood the strategic brilliance and unprecedented human rights conditions of the Mongol empire.

 

 

                   

 

Did I say "human rights" and "Mongol empire" in the same sentence?  Yes. 

 

Besides conquering in 40 years more than Romans did in 200, the Mongols had a disciplined, honorable way of life.  They outlawed slavery and sex-slavery.  Women were given far more control over their lives than in most of the other parts of the 13 century world.  The Mongols outlawed torture, and the death penalty.  Genghis Khan also knew the power of a free press and freedom of religion.  He fostered a religious freedom that was completely unmatched anywhere else in that period- and even today.

 

Some of these policies are what helped the steppe people reach great new heights.  Their original life ways have sort of remained intact, sort of.

They got damn good food. And like most of Asia, it is extremely cheap.

 

Khan also had a great love of stuff, he wanted to open up trade routes and get more fancy things because the Mongols had so little.   This would regress into a form of greed that would be the undoing of his successors, but the trade routes and international relationships he forged helped pave the way for Pax Mongolica- a long period of peace.

 

The empire splintered over the centuries, Beijing was actually founded by Khan's grandson, Kublai Khan.  Mongolia was mighty, but a little less mighty over that time. 

 

Unfortunately, the Soviets suppressed Mongol independence for decades and really tried to erase the great legacy of Genghis Khan.  Long story short, they blew it, and now Mongolia is stuck between free consumer capitalism and the hollowed out remains of communism.  A precarious position for sure.



The capital, Ulaanbaatar usually gets a bad rap.  I found it delightfully garish.



Mongolia is the 19th largest country, but the population is only about 3 million, half of the people live in the capital. 

 

I don't imagine many people come to Mongolia for the city life.  Nonetheless, the center of the city was pretty vibrant and congested with cars and trucks.  I remember seeing a lot of Toyota Prius hybrids.  There were a lot of abandoned or incomplete looking apartment buildings and what I'm guessing were factories.  The skeletal reminders of the cold war, perhaps.  I can certainly imagine Westerners or people unaccustomed to less-industrialized countries seeing the place as horrible to look at.  I didn't feel that way though.  It was pretty relaxed, despite the hubbub.

 

It was interesting to hear our tour guide speak about his experiences with communism.  He mentioned his grandparents actually missed the old days when the community was closely bound together.  More on him later.



On the edge of the city people live in gers, albeit in a sedentary way.  Part of the genius of the Mongol empire was its ability to turn its nomadic life way into a war tactic.  Khan turned his strengths into weaknesses.  The nomadic herding way of life is quickly becoming a weakness in 21st century Mongolia, but it does still exist in the countryside.



This was at Gandan Monetary, an amazing place.  One of the largest Buddha statues I have ever seen.



 

 

 

Part 2

Why Tour Guides Are Underrated

 

I never appreciated the benefits of a tour until I started traveling outside of America.  In that case you really need someone to bring the place into context.  I don't mean a tour group, per se, since that is a lot like being on a field trip with adults.  If you get the chance to hire a private guide (which sounds fancy, but it's really informal, and usually cheap), do it.  Your experience will be much more rewarding.

 

After a day in Ulaanbaatar, we ventured out to Terelj National Park and the largest equestrian statue in the world.  The same driver who our hostel arranged for our airport pickup became our guide again.  He was a gentle, intelligent man who spoke English almost without an accent, in addition to 4 other languages.  We arrived at the Genghis Khan statue before it opened up, so we took a little drive around.

 

The beauty was expansive, rugged and a cold.  The photos explain better than I can. 

 

 

 

 

One of my heroes. 

 

The monument had a nice museum inside.  I highly recommend it for history nerds.



This would be green in the summer, but I still found it stunning.  I suppose this might look drab to some eyes.

Terelj National Park is basically the main tourist excursion of the region, about 90 minutes outside of Ulaanbaatar.  The park was dotted with empty tourist camps and full of yaks and cattle grazing freely. 

 

It's not only worth the trip outside of the capital, but it really made the vacation feel complete.  The respiring winds and vast, austere silence were the perfect counterpoint to the struggles I was facing back in Korea.



This was a beautiful bathroom




The Siberian pine is apparently not evergreen



These meditative signs dotted the path up to the mountain temple.  You'll notice everything is in Cyrillic and not the vertically-written Mongol script (another Khan invention).

 

I still got a very strong sense of religious freedom in Mongolia, even though the only visible religion was Buddhism.  Our tour guide spoke of his studies of Sanskrit in India.  He shared the basic ideas behind the rituals like spinning the drums in the temple, and the meaning behind the symbols we found.  He said he respected all religions, I agreed completely.

 

Our tour guide gave us just the right amount of assistance and background.  In addition to being our driver the entire weekend.  Mongolia is impossible to see without a fast form of transportation.  I have a feeling I will be back some day to do the "overland" motorcycle journey.

 

The temple was peaceful, but I didn't get any good pictures of it.  The view from the top was enough to make me want to come back, hopefully when the timing is better.

 

 

Saying good bye

 

Poem - "Beirut"

Pussy
Cowboy Killer
Wrapping Paper
Beirut

Can you use a dollar bill for joint paper?
It's called wrapping paper and idk, lemme google it

Cowboy Killer-
Her friend called the Marlboros
I found it clever, with my wine

Tobacco is an Indian herb, sacred herb
not supposed to cause cancer originally

Hipsters stole leather and cigarettes and mohawks
from Native Americans.
Indians have been killing Cowboys
since 1492

I have had two former significant others express concern
at my pejorative use of the word "pussy"
once to describe pussy music- Beirut- watered down
like a bad Andrew Bird

We danced to him and other funk foundations
Sly Stone
on the porch

They wanted to be stars of indie music,
my friends, distant friends.
Who knows if they'll make it, I hope they do.

I don't remember the other time I felt bad for using "pussy" negatively
too long ago

She loved my homemade hummus.
My Lebanese-Italian American friend told me the secret to perfect hummus
Don't tell any white people, he said
and I haven't.

I'm about to fly to Cebu
Lapu Lapu airport, named for
Lapu Lapu
who killed Magellan
to defend his people

I hope my plane doesn't crash.

Hello again

I guess it's been a minute.  The reason I haven't updated has been a series of immensely stressful, physically and emotionally painful, life-changing, but ultimately- positive changes.

I'm single now.

I am actually considering staying longer in Korea, which I never thought possible.

I went to Mongolia.

I've been studying Korean and Spanish a lot more.

The school year is almost over.

I am going to the doctor on Friday for an endoscopy to examine a stomach pain that has persisted for over two months.  Hopefully, it's nothing major.  I am so so ready to not be sick anymore, the stress and illness have been tremendous burdens throughout my entire life in Korea.

I'm meeting new people and building the relationships with people I already knew.

I've gotten very close to someone who makes me feel excited to be alive again.

Who knows what the future holds.  I'm experimenting with meditation and positive thinking.

I want to re-examine things I thought I didn't need in my life, like spirituality.

I don't see myself teaching EFL for much longer, but I do want to teach in some form because it's an outlet from the rat race.

The U.S. is exploding in civic activism lately due to the outrageous police impunity and brutal crackdown on peaceful protests.  I want to go home and enact positive change, it's frustrating to be so far away.  The memory of all the innocent black people like Mike Brown and Eric Garner will not be forgotten.

I'm both discouraged, surprised but not surprised, and emboldened to change, to get behind the momentum towards peace.  Full and total peace.

보신탕

보신탕 (Bo shin tang) is dog meat stew.  When the topic comes up, it elicits visceral responses, from Koreans and foreigners alike.  I have heard, directly from 3 Korean men in their 30's (age will come up later on this topic), and indirectly from my girlfriend about her coworker, the opinion that dog meat is delicious.  More delicious than cow or pig meat, they said emphatically.  Miming a scale with their hands pig was low, then cow middle and dog was the best.  Delicious.

I don't really care what people eat.  Let me rephrase that, I don't think it's right to criticize another person or another culture's attitudes about nutrition, agriculture, and health.  Without a doubt, the U.S. has the least healthy, most destructive, most repulsive and unsustainable food system on the planet.  We are destroying the world for convenience, for sweets, for caffeine, for hamburgers.  

We in the USA also have a great many white vegan know-nothings who hold self-righteous attitudes about ethical consumption but have absolutely no concern for the migrant labor who make their organic kale possible.  People who buy organic lettuce mix and don't know that the plastic container it came in cannot be recycled by an average local recycling plant.   People who constantly harass the choices of the poor, the choices of people of color, the choices of anyone not like them because they don't approve of it.  

But I'll get back to dog meat.  

You have to really come to terms with the cashing in on the term organic.  Think about what organic (which is often ambiguous across borders and from one food to another, and not an end in itself) means in a capitalist mega-lucrative agribusiness context.  Here organic means nothing, ethically.  Sure, the planet may be a tiny bit better off.  But local living and not eating meat and buying organic are not going to save us.  I am a pessimist.



I also love animals and I always have.  I have dabbled in vegeterianisn for almost ten years.  Before coming to Korea I was a somewhat strict vegetarian, but now I eat meat.  I wish I didn't but I do, sometimes.  It's just easier to take what I am offered at the school lunch.  The amount of meat Koreans consume can be astonishing.  It is often combined with a lot of vegetables so it's not like Americans with their Steak and Fries.

When it comes to dog meat I have no interest to try, but I also have no revulsion to the idea.  Meat is meat.  Pigs are as intelligent as dogs, perhaps smarter.  The longest walk that a pig takes in its entire life is to be slaughtered.  There are more chickens than human beings.  The energy it takes to feed and provide for a cow could probably power an entire village in a subaltern economy, probably.  I only made up that last one.  

Do Koreans eat dog? 

Yes. And No.  I have asked quite a few people.  Most expressed indifference (the pretty widespread indifference to political issues is perpetually puzzling to me, but I don't have a right to know as an outsider).  Some expressed a love for dog meat, some were disgusted.  It seems to be a more rural, older generational thing.  I read another white guy who blogs on TEFL in Korea, whose opinions I don't agree with, saying that the eating of dog will go away as the older generation starts to leave us.  I have no idea where he was getting that concept and my evidence points to the opposite conclusion.  It probably will never go away. 

[[ TANGENT, RANT WARNING There is a vast amount of misinformation on Asian culture.  It's part of what helped the West dominate the East for so long.  Asian countries are admirable for how much they don't give a fuck about Westerners.  The opinions of Westerners.  See, it's a racial issue because white culture likes to perceive itself as on top, as relevant, as the moral barometer for the world AND IT'S JUST NOT.  People can pursue their cultural traditions in any way they want. 

For example, Islam does not oppress women.  If you want to claim it does, then you have to start with speaking to Muslim women.  That should be step 101, asking women about their own experiences.  Instead, white feminists come into the picture with the idea that they are correct and right.  White feminists oppress women in the Islamic community by telling Muslim women how not to dress, not hearing the common idea that their devotion is usually the main reason for their clothing, it's not necessarily an expression of injustice.

Cultural criticism is only right to do about, within, in regard to your own cultural community.  Sorry, colorblind white dudes.  I know you love to pretend you dole out equal criticism across cultures BUT YA DON'T.  Every culture has good and bad DUH, the point is to criticize your own culture to make it better.  Anything else is brazen nay-saying- external, elitist, removed from context, and very often- racist hating.]]

Back to animal meat.

This is the real thing that hurts me, though.  After centuries of domestication, it seems like we've been getting closer and closer to animals.  Remember the "swine flu" hysteria? Guess what, that's just regular flu.  Flu comes from swine.  We've been domesticating them by selectively breeding out the aggressive ones and rewarding the docile ones.  So the pigs, goats, sheep, cows, cats and horses we find today are basically our pals.  They have a deep, ancestral connection to us and know how mutually benefiting works.  If only in a trans-species sense.  

Fish can work together.  Crows can pass on information to their friends.  Monkeys make war.  Mites live in your eyelashes.

Really, dogs are like the best thing on earth.  I just fucking love dogs and that's why I don't want to eat them.  Cows can be loving too.  So can pigs.  Pigs are adorable.  The sad part is that we've gotten so close to them all with the intent to one day kill cook and eat them.  


So when it comes to dog meat, the line between food and pet is entirely arbitrary.  It just makes me sad that all of these creatures are trapped, and we're trapped, in a sense too.  Our outmoded thinking is perfectly illustrated by the massive toxic ponds of cow and pig feces and urine.  These ponds are basically unregulated and flood our watersheds.  And they are all over the Midwest.  

We can't pretend the revolution, the menu, and the environment are distinct issues.  We have to liberate farm workers, democratize food access across every community, raise the minimum wage for service workers, stop shaming thin/fat people, get rid of food deserts, stop buying single use plastics because they are destroying the ocean, stop wasting huge amounts of food because it's not good looking.  These are interrelated. 

Buying local is not enough, but it can't hurt to buy local.  baby steps, baby.

Let us also think about food in a way that is both culturally sensitive and radically humanitarian.  

Space and fullness

Ramblings on education, life, and progress

I gave up trying to motivate my students.  Not that I don't care, but it's just that the motivation has to come from within or it's not motivation. 


There are about 80 suicides of Korean soldiers every year, and I think the number is increasing (I can't find the article that I read that in).  I can't imagine the hell they were going through.  It is a sad irony that there is a vicious violence within the thing we created to stop violence. 


I've never ever agreed with the ageist narrative that "youth are getting worse and they don't respect elders" but there is truth to it.  I hate to admit it's probably true.  Mom mentioned it happening in her High School science classes.  My HS co-teacher said she sees respect slipping away little by little every year.  And on a micro-level I have noticed one of my HS classes rounding the last curve to anarchy, despite the fact that it started out pretty good in beginning of the year. 


That same HS coteacher is a really inspiring person to be work with.  She stays so positive and doesn't get flustered at all, even when the sinister students mock her.  She told me that before the end the semester the Vice principal asked her, casually, how are you, and she broke down into tears. 


Today I did something I never do.  I yelled at the disruptive HS class "shut up!" and asked them to please respect their classmates who want to learn.  I don't get why they can't just shut the fuck up if they have no interest.  If you genuinely don't care about school, then it takes less effort to stare blankly or fall asleep than it does to chat nonstop, at a loud volume.  They enjoy being disruptive.  There is no logic to be found.


I don't always wake up the sleeping students.  I have to pick my battles.  Sometimes it feels like current conditions are all against me.  I would have never imagined being distressed and depressed in Korea, but I am.  Mainly because of the job.  At least I'm not depressed in Ohio- that's a worse scenario that I am glad to have left.


I still have lots of fun too.  Higher highs and lower lows in this job. 


Soon I will be teaching my coworkers, the teachers of other subjects, an English class.  I am excited to get to know them and to actually teach.  I have a weekly adult class and it's totally thrilling because my adult students are so motivated and ask questions. 


Pupils listening and eager, it's an insane thing to imagine happening in a school.


I'm starting to enjoy getting older.  But on the other hand, I have less and less in common with kids.  I definitely don't always get Korean humor, especially youth humor.  I have no idea how out of touch I will be when I go home.  It scares me.


I miss American culture so much.  I mean, I still hate it generally speaking, but I miss positive vibes and slang and talking to strangers.


There are no inherently bad students.   If anything it's counterproductive to label a student bad because if they think they are bad then they have no room to improve and plenty of room to decline.


It's like the void of learning on a 3D chart that Principal Skinner showed to indicate Bart Simpson's effect on his classmates.  An"unmistakable cone of ignorance" with Bart at the center of the bottom of the hole.  Bad students suck the opportunity from people around them.  Towards the void.


El abmismo se hace más fuerte con la tristeza.  No me importa.


I'm trying a new thing where I just move about all class and ask every student the prompt.  Since they refuse to speak or volunteer.  It works okay.


I've been reading this before bed and it's given me determination, sadness. 


Los poemas siempre se divertiden.


I told Claire about this the other day and we agreed.  We worry that there are so many words they don't know, it's hard to even pick an entry point.  But as I reflect on the reflection, I think maybe the opposite is true?  They have huge vocabularies but can't quite piece together complete ideas.  Yeah.


This is the problem that makes me lose sleep at night- in my experience teaching there are equal amounts of big (my entire conception is so wrong) problems and small, isolated (damn that announcement speaker is so loud) issues.  They overflow and I am constantly treading water and abandoning entire ships.  Totally incoherent.


English is a schizophrenic language.  It's complicated beyond reason and there are so goddamn many words.  We don't need all these words. 


My college Swahili professor once told the class that anger and frustration were the same thing.  They scoffed and disagreed, getting angry and frustrated.  Then he asked them to explain the difference and they only got more angry and frustrated that they couldn't distinguish the two emotions.   They are the same.


Lately though, I can fake it till I make it.  If I pretend to be confident in my lessons students respond better.  Just yesterday what used to be two unruly classes actually sat and listened and participated and took notes.  THEY TOOK NOTES, BY THEIR OWN CHOOSING.  NOTES OF STUFF I WAS EXPLAINING.  THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED.  OK, NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, IT HAPPENED A FEW TIMES EARLIER BUT I'M STILL YELLING ABOUT IT.


And some of them came up to me and said in Korean that the class was fun. 


재미 있었어요


My HS coteacher said she was afraid that foreign teachers would return home and share a negative reputation of Korean students.  I assured her it's the same everywhere and it's really a tiny minority of "bad students."  Again, I hate that term and the concept that students are just plain bad, but for the sake of brevity I berate the badness.  It's not just bad students, the education system is bad. 


School needs to address the fact that it is fatally linked to an atrophied capitalist system of exploitation and corporate pillage rather than a sustainable, beneficial model of uplift.  Our system makes students bad because it's spiritually bereft and 100% outmoded and doesn't offer enough options. 


I am guessing students would still talk in the back of the classroom even if the class was "Video games 101"


I hope any prospective teachers, especially EPIK or other English as Foreign Language teachers, take the time to consider the difficulties of teaching.  My line is always open if anyone wants to chat about it.  I also enjoy talking about things that are good.